More Fun with "Clear and Simple . . ." Exercises

Exercise 16: Resume

Louis Tully

1101 Central Park West

Apt. 1011

New York, NY 10025

212-555-1001

OBJECTIVE

To prepare taxes on behalf of your firm to the customer with pleasure, dependability, and proficiency.

QUALIFICATIONS

Certified Public Accountant licensed 1980.

M.S. in Accounting from New York University graduated 1979.

EXPERIENCE

Owned, operated, and practiced preparing taxes for individuals, small business, and other associates for Louis Tully Accounting LLC since 1980.

ACHIEVEMENTS

Served as the Key Master for assisting in the coming of Gozer the Gozerian. Worked in a team with Dana Barrett (a.k.a. The Gate Keeper), The Ghostbusters, and the New York City Police Department to wreak havoc, turn into a dog, and blast marshmallow all over the city of New York – 1985.

REFERENCES

Raymond Stantz – Manhattan – 212-555-1010

Peter Venkman – Manhattan – 212-555-0101

Slimer – 3^rd dimension – 212-GET-SOME

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Exercise 17: Admissions Essay

Occidental College, a liberal arts school in Los Angeles, was the first college that President Barack Obama attended and the place where he gave his first public speech. (In his historic first plea, he called on “Oxy” to disinvest from South Africa to effectively protest the racial segregation of that area known as Apartheid.) Below is my version of his admissions essay to Oxy.

“Hope is a powerful weapon, and [one] no one power on earth can deprive you of.

-Nelson Mandela

Nelson Mandela’s wisdom on the power of hope inspires me to pursue a liberal arts degree from the acclaimed Occidental College. Oxy carries a great reputation for being a progressive institution during many challenging times in our nation’s history. From the opening of Hillside Theatre and student union in support of our troops in World War I and II, to the granting of access for minorities to attend its halls of higher education, and to the protest of the U.S. military involvement in Southeast Asia during times of great controversy and confusion, Occidental College solidifies hope for thousands of students who currently attend or have attended its majestic campus on Eagle Rock. Understand that I, Barack Obama, possess the admiration, humility, and resourcefulness to become one of Oxy’s hardest working, open minded, and thoroughly hopeful graduates.

[move to the school’s programs and applicants enrolment intentions]

It is with my utmost humility to ask you to accept my application . . . .

Sincerely,

Barack H. Obama  

Sources

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barack_Obama

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occidental_College

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/20/nelson-mandela-quotes_n_2317124.html#slide=1892961  

One-line Stories

One-line Stories

Exercise 15: Lists (with a twist)

I’m certainly inspired by Hemmingway’s six word short story, which Clear and Simple . . . mentions as inspiration for Exercise 15. But rather than writing “a list of offering items for sale,” I want to take advantage of Professor Portolano’s liberal guidelines for the exercises and put my own spin this one. I will briefly explain the compressed details of Hemmingway’s short story and then try to create some of my own one-line short stories. Here we go . . .

For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn.

-Ernest Hemmingway

We know that someone has not only lost a baby but that they’ve probably given up on trying again. This was probably a still-born baby since the shoes are still brand new. The loss is probably from someone poor, considering that they would need the money from selling the baby shoes.

Here are my attempts at one-line stories.

Open all night. Coloreds welcome.

This is read on a sign outside of a venue of some sort. We know that this sign is read in a certain region at a certain time before African Americans lived with the level of equality that they have today. We know that this is a place where blacks and whites socialized together. This lively place probably served food and drinks and played music.

It made eye-contact with me through the floorboards.

“It” is not human. “It” is either below the person, or the person sees “It” from below. They are aware of each other. Whoever is on top probably has the advantage. The building they are in is not solid. Making “eye-contact” suggests a serious tone. The situation could be dangerous.

No more stupid balloon animals!

Someone is yelling at a clown (or some other type of entertainer). There are certainly more than a few balloon animals in the area. A once happy event is now awkward. The yelling person is probably mean-spirited. The clown probably had his or her feelings hurt.