Feminism Is Not a Fad; It's the Future

I'm male. I'm a feminist. And I'm not perfect either.

Months ago, when the first video of Ray Rice dragging Janay Palmer out of the elevator went public, I watched in denial. "Maybe she got drunk, passed out, and he tried carrying her up to their room," I thought. Then after watching the whole video, I felt like an ass. My only excuse: I was a fan of Ray Rice and desperately hoped that he wasn't a bad guy. Conclusion: I was ignorant.

The problem with men such as myself: we are unbearably slow. Too often, we need to play extra innings in order to arrive at the appropriate responses to situations that concern women. Nevertheless, women tolerate us. We're lucky they do.

The reason for our slowness: we lack control of our emotions. Contradiction to reality, women are the ones typically accused of being overemotional, and this is bullshit.

When confronting mental challenges, men such as myself try swinging a bat at our emotions in hopes to bash out feelings and let logic happen. And like a Hail Mary pass to the endzone, sometimes we get lucky. In fact, I consider luck one of my best virtues, especially when it comes to getting a second chance with women when I don't deserve it.

Notably, women are the ones who manage logic and emotions methodically like quarterbacks leading their teams on long drives. Some women are even capable of doing our thing better than us. You'd think we'd let them do it, and encourage them as well, but we don't because it scares the shit out of us.

Paranoia, fear, anger: these are the emotions (in that order) that give men such as myself problems. We notice the inevitable: women obtaining equality in every field. This change freaks us out. We're paranoid where women's equality will lead, we fear everything we know changing, we get angry every time there's tangible progress. Ray Rice's atrocity was finally handled this week. Regardless of various opinions on the matter, the tone that was dominate in men's responses to the incident was anger (no points awarded for guys who tried to hide anger with amusement and posting things on Facebook like, "Good riddance!").

When it comes to women's equality, where do you draw the line? You don't. You can't. Women will eventually obtain their goal: 50% of everything. They're unstoppable.

My prediction is that we'll be alive to see a lot of big changes in women's equality: a woman president, women priests, and women playing in men's professional sports.

You went, "Pfft," at women playing in men's sports didn't you? (Not you ladies.) Allow me to introduce Mo'ne Davis.

She's not a softball pitcher; she's a baseball pitcher and appears to be the total package. What are the technicalities prohibiting women from playing in men's professional sports leagues? Who the hell knows! But I believe nothing is going to stop Mo'ne Davis and all the other young ladies who got "the stuff" and are well adjusted like she is.

Still poo-pooing my predictions? Whatever.

A realm exists where everything that you say will never ever happen - will happen. It's called the future.

        

Travel Essay: Whittier, AK 2013

Style Imitations

A Fantasy Football Piece for: (a) City Paper, (b) Men's Journal, & (c) The Economist

a. City Paper
Avoid "The Sacko"

# Easy Fantasy Football Tips that Will Keep You from Getting Tea-bagged

Surly you—my fellow fantasy football druggies—have watched every season of The League witnessing effeminate Andre, soulless Ruxin, and most recently, whiney Kevin all choke in the shaming consolation matchup known as the "Sacko Bowl." Yes, THE SACKO—a bronze dangling ball-sack fit over one's forehead is exactly the right trophy for those who falls in last place. If this loser is you then you need to bounce back next season, or risk inevitably taking on the role of "that puss" who doesn’t know shit about football. We can't have that! So don't waste your time! And don’t' waste your friends', family members', and coworkers' precious time either. Don't flake out with injuries, bye weeks, or not knowing who to start. Everyone hates quitters, as they should, because quitters suck the fun out of everything. Follow my advice in # easy tips and you shan't worry about balls in your face.

1. Don't Get Cute on Draft Day

Don't buy it from assholes that gloat over their picks and insult yours. For example, "Ehh, I got this whole league locked down, now!" Or, "You're taking Romo, in the 5th round, haha, good luck with that!" Seldom is an entire season dictated by the draft. The matchups must be played! But you can't afford to have an awful draft, so, if your league allows you to auto-pick players—do it! The computer probably knows better than you. If you prefer to pick your own players, fine, but don't get cute—don't take Flacco too early because he's B'more's hero and you just have to win with Cool Joe. Take note: Flacco is typically outside the top 15 for quarterbacks in fantasy football. Make sure you follow player rankings, draft players for every position, and have backups. 

b. Men's Journal

Avoid the Losers Trophy "The Sacko"

# Easy Fantasy Football Tips that Will Keep You Out of Last Place

FXX's The League epitomizes the passion for those who enjoy fantasy football. Chances are you and your friends play the name game where your match real life buddies with their doppelganger on the show, like the ladies do with Sex and the City, only dejectedly more realistic. Yes, we all have a Taco, and we all have an Andre. But you don't want to slate yourself as the one who owns the "Sacko" (the last-place trophy that accurately resembles its name). Yes—"The Sacko"—the ultimate symbol of shame. This kind of demoralization is fit only for those who are good losers or actually enjoy losing. If losing is not for you then consider your manhood redeemed. This season, don't flake out with injuries, bye weeks, or not knowing who to start. Follow my advice in # easy tips and let the Kevin or Pete or Ruxin in your group embrace The Sacko instead.

1. Don't Get Cute on Draft Day

Ignore the trash talk. Those that gloat over their picks and insult yours are showing off and usually don't know much. Examples, "Ehh, I got this whole league locked down, now!" Or, "You're taking Romo, in the 5th round, haha. Are you new to this?" Seldom is an entire season dictated by only the draft. You'll have a shot at winning so long as you draft too terribly. If your league allows you to auto-pick players then you may want to consider it. The auto-draft computer knows better than rookies. If you prefer to pick your own players, that's good, but don't get cute—don't take your home-town quarterback too early because he's your hero and you just have to win with him. Take note: quarterbacks ranked outside the top 15 are usually not taken until the 8th or 9th round. Make sure you follow player rankings, draft players for every position, and have backups.

c. The Economist

 Avoiding "The Sacko"

# Easy Fantasy Football Tips that Will Help You Win

A true indicator of just how popular the frantic hobby of fantasy football has become shows in the popularity of FXX's sitcom The League. The five-year-old obnoxious comedy series cleverly represents those who enjoy the virtual sport on both obsessive and causal levels. The League's characters range from your average know-it-all to the clueless, from an effeminate to a ladies man, and from a submissive married man to his wife who's just like one of the guys. Clearly, if you're one who enjoys fantasy football and absurd comedies, you'll likely relate to the show in an otherworldly way. However, as an actual fantasy football opponent, you'd prefer not to share the status of the character who earns "The Sacko"—The League's last-place trophy. Whether or not your friends' league engages in a shaming ritual as ludicrous as The League's is beside the point. It's simply more fun to win. So don't get frustrated with routine injuries, bye weeks, and not knowing who to start. Follow the advice in these # easy tips and someone else embrace your group's version of The Sacko.     

1. Don't Let Yourself Get Carried Away on Draft Day

Some of those who participate in fantasy football like to overcompensate for their mediocre knowledge of NFL statistics by trash talking. And many of these arrogant individuals will gloat over their picks and attempt to insult yours. For examples, "Ehh, I got this whole league locked down, now!" Or, "You're taking Romo, in the 5th round, haha. Are you new to this?" Typically, an entire season will not be dictated by the draft itself. Each team owner should have a shot at winning so long as they draft effectively. If your league allows you to auto-pick players then you may want to consider it. The auto-draft computer often selects players better than the average sports fan. If you prefer to pick your own players then do so practically—don't take your home-town quarterback too early just because he's your favorite. Take note: quarterbacks ranked outside the top 15 are usually not taken until the 8th or 9th round. Make sure you follow player rankings, draft players for every position, and have backups.

###

 

Moving: A Personal Essay

Moving

Baltimore, this place won't let me leave. But I refuse to stay here.

My mother, sisters, and I tried Florida years ago. It didn't work out. Moving from a major city to one of the panhandle's smallest towns was too difficult. My mom couldn't get a good job, and I couldn't make friends. My sisters managed better than the two of us but weren't happy either, so we moved back to our corner row home in Highlandtown.

Then I was supposed to move to Los Angeles and live with my dad after finishing middle school. My parents desperately needed to split the parental duties. I was excited to go, imagining how things would be different and interesting. But before I could leave with my dad, my mother insisted that the two of us talk—really talk. So we did. And then we didn't talk again for another two years. So my sisters took my place and moved to L.A. with my dad. They tried their best to live with him in a strange situation, but after just one year they needed to come back.

Other opportunities for me to leave this stinkin' crab cake came and went. I trained in Phoenix for an auto claims job and probably could have managed to move there, or to Austin, TX. That would have been sumthin'! But I needed to lose that job, so I could find one that better suited me and also get my butt back into school. "Ugh, Towson, two and a half more years," I thought at the time.

Now, I'm the last one here. April moved to Pasadena, CA, is married, and has a son. She's a writer too. Erin moved to Phoenix coincidentally, is engaged, and also has a son—his middle name Jan is named after me. My mom was stubborn to leave. She's an artist with a factory-worker mentality, like her dad who worked in the steel mill. I eventually convinced her to retire and move down to Florida to live with her family. That was one of the best things I've ever done for her.

My dad says when you want to leave, you just go! And when you get to the new place, you'll figure things out. His advice often seems crazy to me, but he's the smartest man I know.

My parents did it together—they moved from D.C. to The Windy City. My father went to the Art Institute of Chicago. My mom worked. The judge called my dad a "freeloader" in the courthouse where they got married. I was born there in 1977 during one of the worst blizzards on record. They eventually moved to Baltimore after my dad graduated art school. I was 2.

My cousin Seth did it—moved east and west: Boulder, Annapolis, Fells Point, Frederick, and then back to Boulder where he says he'll likely stay permanently. He's an X-ray tech and also an artist. One of his ideas was to cut up plush toys and sow the parts back together mismatched. His weirdness inspires me.

My friend Kristina did it—moved from Idaho to South Carolina to Pittsburgh then to Baltimore and finally to Anchorage, AK. I visited her in The Last Frontier in August, 2013. I was surprised how quickly she set up and had things going on: friends, jobs, activities, and school. Her confidence is contagious. I wasn’t sure I could handle changing from how things started out with us to just being friends, but I'm glad I did. She opened my eyes.

What is a different place? Is it the scenery? Is it the people? Is it the economics?

At night in Arizona, the temperature goes down. The air is cool. Heat radiates off of objects that have baked in the sun all day. It feels stimulating.

In L.A., every day is the same—sunny—70°. But traffic sucks!

Florida has everything I need. I guess. But it doesn't inspire me.

Colorado has mountains. They're beautiful! I like seeing them off in the distance. I feel excitement in places with mountains. While driving to the Kenai Peninsula in Alaska, Kristina and I pulled over to the side of the highway and filled water bottles from a spout gushing out from the side of a mountain. It was melted snow water. That was refreshing!       

Should I pick a place to move to just because I like freakin' mountains?

That's the plan—Colorado! As soon as I'm done at Towson . . . .

But I need help dealing with the thoughts of this move, so I'm taking those pills again. They make the voice in my head sound a little bit smarter—more helpful. I imagine going back in the past and playing the role of my father to myself when I was 13. I tell that kid, "Stand up straight, tell those boys to shut the fuck up, and kiss any girl you want to."

Ya, things are a little calmer on the pills—easier. Baltimore gets a bad rap. People here are smart. The city is growing. There are jobs. There are single women. We won two Superbowls.
Are people smiling at me because I'm smiling back, or is it the other way around? Two gorgeous women approached me at a pub the other night. One took my number, the other gave me hers. That probably won't go anywhere, but it's promising.

Springtime is coming. You can't beat Charm City in the springtime. That first sip of beer at Camden Yards whispers, "Welcome back buddy." Downtown comes to life. I can sit on Federal Hill and watch boats move around in the harbor for hours.

Always, it tries to fool me. Once I build up the courage to leave, things get better where I am, and I'm never really sure if I should go.

###

Poetry Experiment

So, I'm learning to write a little verse; here are three samples.

-

meeting her at the aquarium

walking through dark rooms
creatures glow in water
observing us through fisheye
we stand, stare, and bloom

displaying nature's bait  
a museum sways desire 
alluring me with moments
she's hoping for a trace

standing amidst the blue
moisture spells the mood
sinking from her lips
we're wet, whirling, attuned

- 

cappuccino girl

presented neat, beautiful, sexy
pick up slowly
blow foam gently
sip delicately
place back down
wait patiently
pick up again
breathe softly
sip repeatedly
over and over
until only drops are left
with dried foam around the edges

-

alaska girl

to the last frontier I must go
to see my friend who likes the snow

she has a plan for us to see
glaciers, trails, and creatures of the sea

I tried my best to come primed
for the type of fun she had in mind

we explored all over and set up camps
where salmon swam, splashed, and danced

there's so much mystery in this unblemished place
like the natural beauty of her face

I'm proud to say, I didn't fall short
this city boy showed plenty of resource

up the mountain, she urged me to haul
and I tried my best not to fall
but I did 

Response to Seth Godin's Linchpin

Linchpin Report

And Elevator Pitch

  

Jan-Ryder Hilton

PRWR 621: Business Writing

Dr. Harvey Lillywhite

Towson University

November 11, 2013

Tame the Lizard Brain

Seth Godin suggests in his novel Linchpin that people basically fight with themselves when they think. "There are two, not one, voices in our head . . ." (Godin 2010, 111). So, when making important decisions, we essentially negotiate with both positive and negative thoughts. The cerebrum, the newest and most sophisticated part of the brain, grants us our ability to work out problems artistically. This advanced organ is the source of our creative and positive thoughts. It's the part we root for - the part we want to win! The other part is the Limbic System, which is the source for fear, anger, and revenge. Godin calls this second part the "lizard brain." The "lizard" is less sophisticated than our creative mind. It's scared. It causes us to freeze or retreat from our artistic ideas when we should move forward. The lizard cannot deal with uncertainty. Unfortunately, the lizard has one important thing - control. It exists closest to the brain stem - likely generating our first instincts. Therefore, the lizard often wins. Our cerebrum is the underdog in this relationship (Godin 2010, Ch. 7).

Taming the lizard is about growing up. I wish I had read Linchpin years ago when working for AT&T and Progressive. Those were hard times for me. I am a bright communicator and an effective problem solver. I am also an idea person. I know how to get projects started. I know how to do the, "job that's not getting done" (Godin 2010, 34). But I have struggled with the perception of my own worth. I have feared those in authority. Uncertainty over acceptance of my ideas has caused me much grief over the years. Adults, professionals, successful people, all find ways to conquer their paranoia and harness the lizard.

I see the effects of the lizard's take-over in my job as adjunct instructor for the Community College of Baltimore County. Too many of my students fail to show for class, miss assignments, score low on tests, and get lost in the course. They come to me asking obvious questions, telling banal excuses, and looking worried. I can almost see the impression of a cold-blooded green-skinned lizard in them, resembling something like the GEICO gecko with a bad hangover. My answers for them are always the same "Don't miss any more classes. Make up the work you missed. It's all right there in the syllabus."

I wonder, "Are they really worried about failing the course, or are they worried about what I will think of them if they fail the course?" Successful students don't ask if they can make up missed work (when it's clearly written on the syllabus that they can). They make up the missed work, inform the instructor that it's been submitted, and move on the next assignment.

I appreciate Godin's metaphor of the lizard as the part of our minds that we need to conquer. I enjoy visualizing the source for fear, anger, uncertainty, and paranoia as a skittish reptile. The concept of the lizard brain allows one to approach negative thoughts objectively. This is a both an effective and mature thing to do. In any situation, where important decisions need to be made, if you notice the lizard getting loose, you need to grab that thing, and put it back in the aquarium. Let the cerebrum go to work. You got this!

Board Game Man

Playing board games was a big part of my childhood. My family loved to get together to play Monopoly, Clue, Pictionary, and many others. Game nights inspired my imagination. And it was at any early age when I developed my greatest skill - making my own board games. With only poster board, markers, scissors, and Scotch tape, I created 2D worlds where everyone played following my design. Contrary to popular skepticism, I made up the rules as we went along only to improve the game, not to cheat. In fact, I did not care so much about winning at my own game. Actually, I preferred to lose. What I wanted most was for the game to come to life and for everyone to have fun and say, "Wow! This is a great game Jan!"

Years later, Board Game Man would take on another challenge - becoming a fantasy football commissioner. My first fantasy football league was established in 2001. Since then I have served as the chief guy for making the NFL season more fun for my friends. For us, fantasy football is football, and we wouldn't want to experience the NFL season without it.

Godin's idea of "shipping" relates to my experience as commissioner. "The only purpose of starting is to finish . . ." (Godin 2010, 103). "Finishing" is important when setting up a league. There are many intangibles in fantasy football. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was doing my first time. But I didn't let my inexperience stop me. I shipped. I set up the league, recruited team owners, and we played fantasy football! Each season, I learned how to improve the league, waited, and made the necessary changes for the following season. "Shipping" is about overcoming the fear that a project may not be perfect, fighting off the temptation of resistance, and moving forward. Today, my league has 14 team owners, each striving to become champion. I have come in first place 3 times in the past 13 seasons (Godin 2010, Ch. 7).   

Board Game Man as a Technical Writer

One of my recent successful projects came from a correlation of my job as teacher's assistant for University of Maryland University College's Cybersecurity program and as a student taking Creating Online Help. For my final project, I chose to rewrite the instructions for connecting to UMUC's Virtual Computing Lab (VCL). The current instructions needed to be overhauled. This meant that I would rewrite the new set of instructions from the ground up. It was a big project, and it was a success! I earned a B+ on the project and subsequent report. Then I gave the new instructions to my colleague at UMUC.

"In the Linchpin economy, the winners are once again the artists who give gifts. . . . the givers are the ones who earn our respect and attention" (Godin 2010, 151). So I gave UMUC my gift of the new instructions, titled: Connecting to the VCL. I was certainly going to issue these instructions to the students in my classes. And I thought other TAs in the department might find the new instructions useful as well. I had no idea how popular my project would be. As it turns out, UMUC adopted Connecting to the VCL for the whole Cybersecurity department. I received positive recognition from senior faculty and a pay raise in the following semester. "Gifts don't demand immediate payment, but they have always included social demands within the tribe" (Godin 2010, 164).  

Online Courses are Like Board Games

The focus of my next career move lies within my position as adjunct instructor. I've recently been promoted to teach courses online at CCBC. And I'm also working towards landing a full-time instructor position at a different college. I feel online courses are a lot like games, and not too different from a fantasy football league. In preparing a course, one works out the intangibles - sets the learning objectives, creates assignments, sets the assessment forms, and "ships" the course. I'm excited to do it, and I'm willing to prepare a course from the ground up without additional pay. My quasi position as instructional designer will provide me with a platform to work on my art.

I have many other artistic ideas for my career. I'd like to work my way into the field of fantasy football, which I have begun with my blog - The Commissioner's Corner. I've also though about publishing my own book or game of some kind. I decided to use my position as an instructor to establish myself into these other areas. "Transferring your passion to your job is far easier than finding a job that happens to match your passion" (Godin 2010, 201). Truth is - I'm a pretty good college instructor. I'll be an even better instructional designer. How about an online class about fantasy football for actual college credits? Wouldn't that be interesting?

Pitch for the Fantasy Football Course

I'm Jan-Ryder Hilton. I am a college instructor, instructional designer, and fantasy football commissioner. I am an effective project starter and a determined project finisher.

Please allow me to tell you about a great idea I have for a new type of college course.

Now more than ever, colleges offer dynamic programs of study that fit today's job market. I believe we can improve upon this and offer something that no other college has.  

I have an idea for a writing and research course that's based on fantasy football. Students will learn: creative writing, journalism, statistical analysis, debating techniques, and, of course, fantasy football!

Sports journalism, alone, is a hundred million dollar industry. The rest of the industry surrounding sports, including fantasy sports, generates billions. Students yearn to get into this exciting field. My new fantasy football course will hand-off to those who want to run the ball in this direction.

I have the course outline and syllabus for you to review, and I can start teaching the course as early as next semester! Let's be the first college in the country to offer: Writing for Fantasy Football.

Works Cited

Godin, Seth. Linchpin: Are You Indispensable? New York: Penguin Group, 2010.

Vaping: Electronic Cigarettes Could Replace Regular Cigarettes

My final research paper for Semiotics for the Professional Writer (PRWR 660) is finished - Vaping: Electronic Cigarettes Could Replace Regular Cigarettes. I worked on this report on a daily basis for approximately three weeks. I feel accomplished in my ability to use knowledge of semiotics as a basis for research and for developing an effective conclusion. Please read.